Removing the Chip Off My Shoulder

Sometimes, I just can't help but feel like I don't always get what I deserve or the things around me are not meeting up to my standards, they are never good enough for me. That I don't feel that I am being treated fairly, that I deserve to be given more consideration than others. That I am far smarter that my other calssmates, yet they always get better grades than me. I am ashamed to admit this, but yes, this is how I often feel nowadays.

After I attended this school that I am in, it seems to me that I have never been happy, never been satisfied and am always disappointed and frustrated of everything- my teachers, my classmates, the school, my test results, my family even with the miserable jeepney drivers that I encounter everyday.

I have to admit that even I myself find it hard to understand. I tried to formulate answers and to stop being so cynical about the things that surround me. I tried to avoid comparing my new school to the previous university that I attended but sometimes, I really feel like crying to the point that I desperately want to go back to where I was- to my previous college life.

But then it finally hit me- I realized that it is all up to me to make myself feel miserable or to get adjusted to the new environment that I am in right now. And finally, I think, I know what the problem is-- I'm arrogant.

It is not easy for me to get adjusted because I refuse to accept the fact that I am in a totally different place with totally different people now. I was absorbed in reminiscing my happy, carefree life in the past that I've reached the point where I developed a very negative perception of the the things that I am involved at present.

I'm not sure if the other second coursers like me feel the same way, but I honestly do.

Right now, I have resolved to take things lightly (but mind you, I have no intentions of being a delinquent student). I decided not to take myself seriously but instead, be serious with my studies without being obsessed of always being the number one.

In order for me to be happy, I have to accept my limitations and weaknesses and not to expect too much from myself.

I have to admit that there are people who know far better than me. There are people who are smarter, more eloquent and more receptive than me.

That there are people who will not like you and you don't have to kill yourself in trying to please them.

That there are times when you will be not be fairly treated but there will be people who will be kind to you, who would even give you second or third chances when you make a mistake.

That true friends are not measured by their kindness and politeness toward you. Friends would criticize you, even crush your ego if it is necessary for them to do so, just to save you from being an asshole.

That I am just but a small dot in this wide universe and that I cannot control anything else but myself.

That I have to remove the chip off my shoulder and accept my frailty and limitations in order for me to understand and enjoy the best things in life.

There. I said it. Goodness, writing this blog really helped a lot and I feel a whole lot better now as compared 15 minutes ago. God bless me!